Most of us desire to have positive self-esteem, and because this is true, we find that when our self-esteem has been hurt or damaged, we endeavor to try to fix it, so that we can feel better about ourselves and our situation. Therefore, when we have done wrong to someone and internally recognize that wrong, but are unable to receive from the person that we have hurt, that they subsequently forgive us, or are willing to work with us to correct such so as to work things out, this damages our self-esteem because we often feel that we cannot get back our self-respect, if the other person doesn’t value or respect us enough, to give us the fair opportunity to return to the level that we had previously been accustomed to with them. This is why it is essential in any interaction, that has gone wrong, of which, we recognize that we are the ones primarily in error, that we are to a large extent, at the mercy of the other, for we seek their forgiveness and acceptance, that when received, will thus reinvigorate our self-esteem and get us back to the place that we desire to be. Indeed, this is why it has been said, “to err is human, to forgive divine,” which represents the seminal fact that we yearn for acceptance from our peers, especially when we have let them down, and desire greatly to be accepted again, to be therefore back in their good graces, as if no wrong had been committed.
So too, there are those times when we do not receive forgiveness or pardon for the errors and wrongs that we have done, and when we believe that it does not seem possible that we will ever get that forgiveness so that we can re-obtain that self-esteem -- a part of us will often wish to avenge this loss, by striking out therefore against society in a way and manner, in which we can re-validate ourselves so as to get our self-esteem back. In other words, when we have done something wrong, and get no sympathy or forgiveness in return, there is a tendency for some of us, to only mope about for a finite amount of time, before determining that because society is so unforgiving, that we may as well do what we have to do, to make our mark upon that society, to our satisfaction.
To believe that somehow self-esteem isn’t all that important is to misunderstand human nature. Because we are social creatures it is vital for just about all of us, to be approved by the society that we are a member of, and in consideration that all of us are imperfect and that learning is a process, that can easily entail missteps and mistakes, we yearn to be a member of a society, that will take into consideration that though we may have done wrong, that we are not always in the wrong, but have within us, the capability of doing things right, and when we receive encouragement to do the right thing and are not judged too harshly when in error, this thereby provides us with the room to grow, and the opportunity then to reclaim our self-esteem for our benefit, as well as this being of benefit to society, at large.