One might think that when we ask a fellow co-worker or a neighbor for a particular favor; such as for them to proof read an important proposal that we have worked on, or when we ask that neighbor if we can borrow their bush trimmer, that when these are the very same people, that seemingly don’t like us, or that seldom seem to have time for us, then we will invariably be turned down for asking them for that favor. After all, when provided with the opportunity to help us, those that don’t care for us, would seem to be in the pole position to simply say, “No,” and to thereby take some degree of satisfaction in their denying us their help. While, that does seem to make intuitive sense, the thing is, that in many a case, people’s desire to feel wanted and appreciated, often overrides their desire to be punitive and petty.
In other words, sometimes the best thing to do, when it appears that there is some inchoate or unknown issue that is precluding us from having a civil conversation with someone, or a friendship, or just some basic respect – then, the fact of the matter is, that whatever has been attempted to date, clearly hasn’t been effective and thus isn’t working, so it thereby behooves people in that type of situation, to consider that there may well be alternative avenues to investigate and to attempt, so as to progress pass whatever barrier is in the way. The best way, then, to do such, really comes down to demonstrating one’s humility or perhaps lack of personal omniscience, by requesting the other person’s aid in a matter of some importance, in which, that request makes it clear to the other person, that we really are seeking their help. While a lot of people, might well suspect, that in the making of a request such as that, that they will be turned down, what we so do find, is that often the other person is only too happy to oblige.
The reason that those that we don’t necessarily believe will help us, actually do, in fact, often help us, comes down to the actuality that not only are we as a people, social creatures, but that to accompany that, we each have an innate desire to be wanted and to be needed, by another, and especially by someone that we consider to be our equal, on some level. Of course, when requesting that help, the other party obviously has the discretion and the power to turn us down, but there is in actuality for them more satisfaction in being of aid, and thereby of subsequently being appreciated by us, then they would so get from the short satisfaction of being dismissive and unhelpful.
So then, none of us should underestimate how important it is for people, to feel that they are needed, and that they thus have intrinsic worth; and when therefore we are able to call upon those attributes and traits, with another person, each of us is benefiting, which helps us to cut through all the noise and distractions, that previously kept us at arm’s length.